Drunk
by Jen19
Summary: *COMPLETE - RATED FOR LANGUAGE* It's Trip's birthday. Archer, T'Pol, Malcolm, Travis, Hoshi & the BDay boy get locked in the Mess Hall with an unlimited amount of alcohol.
1. The Lock In

DISCLAIMER: Don't own it, never will own it.  
  
NOTE: This is simply silliness; it would never happen - ever! My sister pointed out that we've only ever seen Trip and Malcolm drunk, and we started to wonder how the others would act once a little inebriated. This is the result. It's set not long after "Shuttle Pod One". I know it's unrealistic, but it's only a bit of fun! It shouldn't be listed under 'humour' either, but there was nowhere else to put it, so..........  
  
BTW - This is in NO way related to the other story I'm writing at the minute, this is just stupidity in it's most basic form.  
  
  
  
DRUNK.  
  
Chapter One - The Lock in.  
  
  
  
"Shhhh," Hoshi whispered in Malcolm's ear. "He'll be here any minute. If he comes in and hears you talking, there's not gonna be much of a surprise!"  
  
"Sorry," Malcolm, who had been talking to Crewman Henderson, said defensively. "And if we can't talk, why are you?"  
  
"Would you both just shut up?" Archer asked, "He'll be here in a second, now just be quiet. That's an order."  
  
Hoshi and Malcolm gave each other a scowling look, but decided it was in their best interests if they did as their Captain said.  
  
Archer, glad that he'd managed to shut up his arguing Comm. and Armoury Officers, couldn't help but smile to himself. It was Trip's birthday, and they'd planed a small, surprise party. T'Pol had, of course, reminded him that throwing a party was pointless, and they had better thing to be doing with their time. In her own way, she was right, but, hey, a party's a party.  
  
So now, crouched behind counters, chairs and tables in the Mess Hall, they waited. There were around twenty people hidden in the dark room. Not much of an assembly, Archer knew, but if half of the crew suddenly disappeared Trip would guess something was up. Malcolm, Hoshi, Travis and even T'Pol had come along with several other crewmembers, most of whom were from engineering.  
  
"Captain, I......"  
  
"Shhh, T'Pol," Archer hissed at his Science Officer.  
  
She raised her eyebrow at him, then returned to her hiding position.  
  
They had lured Trip to the Mess Hall under false pretences. Archer had gotten one of the crew to complain about a fault in the door, and Archer had asked Trip to go down and sort it out. He'd seemed reluctant at first, but eventually agreed.  
  
Archer was lost in thought when the door opened. Regaining his senses, he looked over at Hoshi and nodded. Hoshi returned the gesture and passed the message along to everyone else in the room.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
'God Damn it,' Trip though to himself as he walked along the corridor of E Deck. 'Chief of Engineerin' an' he get's me to fix a squeaky door!' Not that he would have minded ordinarily. But today he had a whole list of more important thing's he should be doing in main Engineering. And, to top it all off, it was his birthday.  
  
He rounded the corner and entered the Mess Hall. It was dark inside so he reached round to turned on the lights.  
  
"SURPRISE!"  
  
Trip nearly jumped out of his skin. "What the hell?" He asked.  
  
"Happy Birthday, Trip." Archer Said.  
  
"Thanks, Cap'n. I........." He wasn't quite sure what to say. Before him stood twenty or so of the crew, with a banner suspened form the ceiling reading 'Happy Birthday Commander Trip.'  
  
"'Happy birthday Commander Trip.'" He read aloud.  
  
"We couldn't decide between 'Commander Tucker' or 'Trip'. It got kinda muddled up." Hoshi said, steeping out from behind the counter and walking towards Trip and Archer. "Happy Birthday, Commander." She said, kissing him on the cheek.  
  
"Thanks, Hosh." He replied, smiling at her.  
  
"Happy birthday, Trip," Malcolm said, shaking his hand.  
  
"Well, thanks." Trip said, looking around. "It's very nice, but I gotta get back to engineering. I mean I............"  
  
"All taken care of, Sir." Travis, who until now had been to busy eating sandwiches, said. "Captain Archer and Mr Reed sorted it with the rest of the crew," he said, taking another bite of his sandwich. "Happy birthday, Sir." He smiled at Trip and returned to the food.  
  
"The crew who didn't, or couldn't get the time off sent you this," Archer said, handing him a card. Trip opened it. It contained the names and well wishes of most of the crew.  
  
"And we got you this," Hoshi said, holding out a rectangular box.  
  
"Thanks," Trip said, taking the box of Hoshi. He opened it and began to laugh. "That's very funny," he said. "Did you have anything to do with this?" he asked, looking at Malcolm.  
  
"Well, we know you like it, so....." Malcolm replied.  
  
"Well, thanks," Trip smiled at his friends, and placed the bottle of bourbon down on the table.  
  
"Commander?"  
  
Trip turned to see T'Pol. "T'Pol?"  
  
"Happy Birthday." Was all she said before turning and walking back to the window where she had previously been standing.  
  
"That was nice of her," Malcolm said. "Bet she hated saying it, thought."  
  
"Yeah," Trip said, turning back to face them.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
During the past few hours, most of the crew had made time to come up and wish Trip a happy birthday. Doctor Phlox had even given him a pet Cieno Snake as a present. However, as Trip had nowhere to keep the snake for the time being, Phlox had taken it back to sickbay to look after.  
  
Only Trip, Archer, Malcolm, Hoshi, T'Pol and Travis were left in the Mess Hall now. The six were sitting round one of the tables.  
  
"Well," Malcolm said, standing. "Time to go. I've got an early shift in the morning. If you'll excuse me," He said standing. "Happy Birthday, Commander."  
  
Trip smiled and waved to Malcolm as he walked towards to door.  
  
Malcolm pressed the control. Nothing happened, so he pressed it again.  
  
"Something wrong?" Hoshi asked.  
  
"The door won't open." Malcolm replied, sounding confused and slightly panicked.  
  
"What?" Archer asked. Standing and walking over to where Malcolm was standing. "What do'ya mean?"  
  
"I mean it won't open, Sir!" Malcolm repeated.  
  
"Are you sure you pressed the release button?" T'Pol asked from her seat.  
  
"What the........" Malcolm shook his head. "Of course I pressed the bloody release button!"  
  
"Captain?" Travis asked, also sounding slightly panicked.  
  
"He's right," Archer said, turning from the door to face his crew. "It won't budge."  
  
"You're kiddin' me?" Trip said, standing and going to inspect the door. He fiddled with the door control for a few minutes before finally admitting defeat. "Great," he said to himself more than the others. "Just great."  
  
"Well what do we do?" Hoshi asked. "We can't just stay in here. Can't you fix it?" She asked Trip.  
  
"No," Trip said, shaking his head. "The door release is on the other side."  
  
"Well which idiot decided that would be a good place to put the release?" Malcolm, who had returned to his seat, asked.  
  
"Perhaps, instead of arguing, you could contact Engineering and ask for assistance." T'Pol said.  
  
"Right," Archer said, walking to the comm. panel. "Archer to Engineering."  
  
"Engineering." Came the reply.  
  
"We have a small problem in the Mess Hall. We seem to be stuck. The door won't open. Can you come and give us a hand?"  
  
"Yes, Sir. Somebody'll be right down."  
  
"Thanks. Archer out." He released the comm. button and returned to his seat.  
  
"So what do we do while we're waiting?" Travis asked.  
  
"I'm gonna have a drink," Trip said, walking from the door to the counter, picking up a glass, then sitting at the table and opening the bottle."  
  
"Commander," Malcolm said in a warning tone.  
  
"What?" Trip asked. "My shift finished over an hour ago, it's my birthday, an' it's my bourbon." He said. He poured himself a glass. "Anybody else wanna glass?" He asked.  
  
"Sure, Sir." Travis said. Malcolm shot him a warning glance. "I'm off duty." He said, fetching a glass.  
  
"That's the spirit, Travis. Anyone else?"  
  
"Yes please." Hoshi said. She looked at Archer. "Is that Ok, Sir?" she asked.  
  
"Sure," Archer said, smiling. "Travis, grab five glasses."  
  
"Sir?" Malcolm sounded almost distraught.  
  
"Come on, Malcolm." Trip said. "Live a little."  
  
Malcolm sighed and chuckled to himself. "OK, fine." He said, raising his hands as a sign of surrender. "Whatever."  
  
Travis returned with the five glasses and placed one in front of everyone.  
  
T'Pol looked at her glass, then up at Archer.  
  
"Something wrong, T'Pol?" Archer asked.  
  
"Vulcan's do not drink alcohol."  
  
"Well, you can be the first," Trip said, pouring her a glass. "You should feel honoured, T'Pol," he said, continuing to pour the alcohol. "Not often I share."  
  
"Indeed." T'Pol said, studying the brown liquid.  
  
"Engineering to Captain Archer." Came a voice over the comm.  
  
Archer stood and walked to the comm. panel. "Archer here."  
  
"Sir, we've got a slight problem."  
  
"What?" Archer, Trip, Malcolm, Hoshi and Travis asked in unison.  
  
"Well, sir." The voice replied. "We can't find the decoder kit anywhere."  
  
"The what?" Hoshi asked Trip.  
  
"You stick it in the control panel. It opens the door up."  
  
"What do you mean 'can't find'?" Archer asked.  
  
"Well," the voice on the other end of the comm. was sounding more nervous each time he had to speak to the Captain. "It's not here. Commander Tucker has it."  
  
"Me!" Trip exclaimed from the table.  
  
"Commander Tucker has it?" Archer asked into the comm.  
  
"Yes, Sir," The voice replied. "It's in the tool bag the took down with him. You have the decoder in the room."  
  
"Great," Archer said, resting his head against the wall. "Is there anything you can do?" he asked.  
  
"We're working on a manual override, but it could take some time."  
  
"OK, thanks, Archer out." He walked back over to the table.  
  
"Well," Travis said after a moment's silence. "If the decoder's in here, can't we just open it from this side?"  
  
"Nah," Trip said. "The decoder panel's outside. You can only override it from out there."  
  
"And there's only one decoder kit." Malcolm added.  
  
"One kit?" Travis asked. Trip and Malcolm nodded. "One kit for the whole ship?" They nodded again. "That seems kinda dumb."  
  
"Jeuz.....I tell ya', if this day gets and better, I'm gonna have to hire someone to help me enjoy it." He sighed and picked up his glass. "Well," he continued, "We can't do anything now, so, let's drink up."  
  
"Happy birthday, Trip." Archer said, raising his glass.  
  
Everybody, except T'Pol raised their glasses to the toast.  
  
"Whoa," Travis said. "Strong stuff."  
  
Hoshi, unable to speak, nodded.  
  
"Yep." Trip said, placing his empty glass back on the table. He looked at T'Pol and noticed she hadn't drunk any. "What's the matter?" he asked her. "Don't like bourbon?"  
  
"I have never tried it." She said, looking again at her glass.  
  
"Well, now's the perfect chance," Trip said.  
  
T'Pol looked at him, then at the rest of the group. "Do I drink it all at once, or sip it?" She asked, noticing that Trip, Malcolm and Archer had emptied their glasses, while Hoshi and Travis still had half a glass remaining.  
  
"If you've never had it before, I'd sip it, T'Pol." Malcolm said.  
  
"If she wants to knock it back let her," Trip said.  
  
"I think I shall sip it, Commander." T'Pol said. She took one last look at the glass before picking it up and raising it to her lips. She looked at Archer, who nodded, and proceeded to take a sip. She placed the glass back down on the table. "It is indeed," she paused, searching for the right word. "Potent."  
  
Trip laughed and picked up the bottle. "Glad you liked it." He poured himself another glass. "Anyone?" he asked, offering the bottle around.  
  
Malcolm took it and filled his glass, before handing it to Archer, who did the same. "Anyone else?" Archer asked. Travis finished his glass and had a refill. Hoshi had a top up. "T'Pol?" Archer asked.  
  
She looked at her glass, then at everyone else's. "Thank you, Captain." She said, handing him her glass.  
  
"Drink up," Trip said, "We could be here a long time."  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: OK, I know they would never have gotten stuck in there in the first place, but........ hey! It's only a story!  
  
They WILL be drunk in the next chapter, and a few secrets may be revealed..........hmmmmm............. Oh well, LYL, Jen. 


	2. What shall we do with a drunken Vulcan?

DISCLAIMER: Not mine.  
  
NOTE: I know there is NO way that they would be stuck in the room for so long, I just wanted them to get 'forgot what I did last night' drunk.  
  
Also, I don't know if it's called a 'resequencer', but you know what I mean - that replicator thingie in the Mess Hall.  
  
It could be useful to know how they're all sitting on the table so..........Archer, Trip, Malcolm, Hoshi, Travis, T'Pol, and then back to Archer.  
  
  
  
DRUNK  
  
Chapter Two - What shall we do with a drunken Vulcan?  
  
  
  
"Well, that's the last of it." Archer said, pouring the remainder or the bourbon into Trip's glass.  
  
"You finish it, Cap'n," Trip called over form the resequencer.  
  
"Very kind of you, Trip. Thank you."  
  
They had been stuck in the Mess Hall for a further thirty minutes, and had managed to finish the bourbon. Trip and Malcolm were now working on the resequencer to see if they could get it to make any more.  
  
Engineering had unfortunately been called away from opening the door. Something was wrong with one of the conduits, or something. Archer hadn't exactly been listening at the time. But Trip had told them to got and sort that out first.  
  
"We did it!" Malcolm exclaimed from the other side of the room.  
  
" Did what?" Travis, who had returned - again - to the sandwiches asked.  
  
"We got it to make whisky." Trip said triumphantly. "And beer." He smiled.  
  
"How's it taste?" Hoshi asked Malcolm.  
  
"Not bad," Malcolm, who had been drinking a glass of the whisky, replied.  
  
"Captain," T'Pol said from the corner of the room where she had been sitting. "It is unwise to continue drinking." She walked over to where everybody else was gathered. "If the crew were to find you all in such a condition they would......" A hiccup interrupted the end of her sentence. "Never mind." She said, sitting down next to Archer.  
  
"OK," Trip said, rubbing his hands together. "Who wants what?"  
  
Archer and Malcolm had whisky. Hoshi and Travis had opted for beer. "T'Pol?" Trip asked. "What'll it be?"  
  
"I do not think I should............"  
  
"Ah, c'mon!" Trip interrupted.  
  
"Very well," She said, placing her hands on the table. "I shall have a," she thought for a second. "Beer."  
  
"Alright!" Trip exclaimed, walking to the resequencer. He passed the drinks around, then got himself a whisky.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Captain," T'Pol said, turning to her commanding officer. "I am beginning to feel.............odd."  
  
"The whisky," Archer slurred. "Makes ya go funny," he said, leaning in closer to T'Pol.  
  
"OK, Hoshi, it's your go."  
  
"Nope," Hoshi said, shaking her head defiantly. "Not doing it."  
  
"C'mon," Trip protested, "We all had a go."  
  
"T'Pol never," Hoshi pointed out.  
  
"Not her go till after you."  
  
"Fine!" Hoshi said. Slamming her hand on the table in defeat. "Fine."  
  
"'K," Travis said, sitting up straight. "Truth or........." he hiccupped. "True or dare?"  
  
Hoshi pondered her options for a moment. "Truth."  
  
"Have you ever," Malcolm began, but was interrupted by Archer.  
  
"No!" he shouted, making T'Pol jump. "You're not asking. You aked Trip on his turn, and it was crap."  
  
"It was a very interesting question." Malcolm said, sounding hurt.  
  
"You asked me if I'd ever eaten dog food, Malcolm." Trip said, looking at Malcolm. "It really wasn't that great a question."  
  
"What do you know?" Malcolm asked, waving his hand elaborately to encompass the whole group.  
  
"The Captain and Commander are correct," T'Pol said, leaning forwards towards Malcolm. "It was indeed, crap." She emphasised the last word.  
  
"Fine, screw you lot then," Malcolm said, before sitting back in his chair and folding his arms.  
  
"Don't sulk, Lieutenant." Travis said, leaning behind Hoshi to pat Malcolm on the shoulder. "I thought it was a great question."  
  
Malcolm smiled at Travis, then turned back to Trip and Archer and pulled a face.  
  
"Ok," Archer began. "Hoshi, have you ever," He stopped and thought. Trip whispered something in his ear. "No way am I asking that!" Archer exclaimed. Hoshi gave Trip a look. Trip just shrugged his shoulders and smiled at her. "OK, have you ever.........."  
  
"Eaten a raw potato!" Malcolm said from his seat before bursting into laughter.  
  
"Malcolm!" Archer and Trip said in unison.  
  
"No," Hoshi answered, looking relieved. "No, I haven't."  
  
"No!" Archer said, waving Malcolm's question aside. "That's not the question!"  
  
"It is, Sir," Hoshi said, "You can only ask one between you." She smiled, thankful that her question had been an easy one. "T'Pol?" She turned her attention the Vulcan. "Truth or dare?"  
  
"Neither." She said, looking around the group.  
  
"You gotta play, T'Pol," Travis said.  
  
T'Pol looked at him. "I do not wish to."  
  
"Neither did I," Archer said. "But I did, so you're gonna." He took a sip of his whisky. "And that's an order."  
  
"Very well," She contemplated her decision. "Dare."  
  
"I dare ya, to," Trip thought for a few seconds. "Damn, this is hard!" he said, picking up his whisky and taking a sip.  
  
They had been in the Mess Hall for about and hour or two, and had been playing Truth or dare for the past half an hour or so. It had included, up until now, Malcolm singing 'My Generation' very loudly. Trip confessing to eating dog food as a child, Travis standing on one leg for five minutes, and Archer kissing Malcolm on the cheek. Neither Malcolm nor Archer had been too impressed by this dare. And now it was T'Pol's turn, and she had chosen dare.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Wha'll we do with 'er?" Malcolm slurred.  
  
"Dunno," Archer said. "Trip?"  
  
Trip didn't reply, he just shook his head.  
  
"I don't think it was a good idea," Hoshi paused to hiccup, "to make her drink all that whisky." She said looking at Travis.  
  
"Wasn't my idea," he said. "Was his," he pointed at Trip.  
  
"Y'all agreed!"  
  
T'Pol had been dared to drink as much whisky as she could before she thought she would either throw up or pass out. After about six glasses, the latter had happened. She was now slumped over the table.  
  
"At least she'll stop," A look of confusion settled upon his face. "What's the word?" he asked.  
  
"What word?" Travis asked, resting his head on the table.  
  
"You know," Malcolm said, thinking, "the word?"  
  
"We don't know, Malc, got no idea." Trip said, taking a sip pf his drink.  
  
They had been in the room for a further half an hour. T'Pol had passed out about twenty minutes ago. However, having nothing better to do, the others had continued their game of 'Truth or Dare'. This time, they had made Malcolm kiss Archer, again to the horror of both. Archer had told them whom, out of all the crew, he'd most hate to be stuck in the Turbo-Lift with. To the surprise of everybody, it hadn't been T'Pol, but some man who helped Doctor Phlox in sickbay.  
  
It was now Trip's turn.  
  
"If you could," Malcolm began, but was cut off by Travis.  
  
"If you had to kiss somebody one Enterprise, who'd it be?" Travis aked, not raising his head from the table.  
  
"My question was better than that!" Malcolm protested.  
  
"I somehow doubt that, Lieutenant." Hoshi said, taking a sip of whisky. "So, Commander, who'd it be?"  
  
"I guess," he took a sip of whisky and thought for a while. "I guess it'd be Hoshi," he said, avoiding the looks he received for the rest of the group.  
  
"What?" Malcolm asked.  
  
Travis raised his head from the table. "He said you," He said, nudging Hoshi.  
  
Malcolm laughed. "Trip and Hoshi, sitting in a tree,"  
  
Trip glared at Malcolm, but it was no use. It simply prompted Travis to join in.  
  
"K-I-S-S-I-N-G." They sang together, incredibly out of tune.  
  
"That's enough," Archer said, getting up and walking towards the resequencer. On his way, however, he somehow managed to trip over the leg of a chair. This made Malcolm and Travis laugh even harder. Even Trip and Hoshi couldn't help but laugh.  
  
"OK," Archer said, standing. "Very funny. Ha Ha." He began to dust himself off. The laughter settled down, and Archer proceeded to get himself another drink.  
  
"How's you do that?" Trip asked Archer when he's sat back down. "Chair's 'av only got one leg." He stated, sipping his drink.  
  
"'Cus he's an idiot," Malcolm said. Then, realising who he'd just called an idiot, looked worriedly at his captain. "Sorry, Sir." He said.  
  
Travis laughed, and then placed his head back on the table.  
  
"Ever if I am an idiot," Archer said, looking directly at his Armoury Officer, "At least I don't laugh like a girl."  
  
Malcolm looked shock and offended. "I do not!"  
  
"Yep," Trip said, siding with Archer. "You laugh like a titmouse."  
  
"Well, I......" Malcolm, lost for words, simply sat back in his chair and began to sulk.  
  
"'K, Travis," Trip began, but got no reply. "Travis?" He asked.  
  
"He's asleep," Hoshi said. She looked at Trip for the first time since he'd answered the question and smiled.  
  
"Guess, as Malcolm's sulking, it's your go, Hoshi. Truth or Dare."  
  
"Truth." She said, hopping it'd be an easy question. She was tempted to choose 'dare', but then, after what T'Pol, Malcolm and the Captain had been forced into doing, she decided against it.  
  
"Who would you kiss?" Archer asked.  
  
Malcolm's ears perked up once Archer had finished his question.  
  
"I don't know," Hoshi said, leaning forward to rest her elbows on the table.  
  
"Gotta answer," Malcolm said.  
  
"I guess," she thought for a moment, "I guess it'd be Commander Tucker." She said.  
  
Before the other's had a chance to reply, the door was opened. Before them stood a team of engineer's.  
  
"Hey!" Archer said, standing. " 's'bout time," he patted one of the engineer's on the shoulder and walked out of the Mess Hall.  
  
Malcolm, after tripping over his own feet and nearly landing up on the floor, followed Archer into the corridor.  
  
Hoshi woke Travis up who, after taking a handful of sandwiches, left the room.  
  
"Sir?" One on the engineer's asked Trip. Trip turned to face him and nodded. "What should we do with Sub-Commander T'Pol?"  
  
"Trip looked from T'Pol to Hoshi, who shrugged. "I dunno," Trip said. "What ever the hell ya normally do with a drunken Vulcan."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: There was no Archer/Malcolm slash intended in this chapter - I know how your minds work! They only did it 'cus they were drunk, so don't go thinking what you were................  
  
Also, when people are talking in this chapter and stuff's spelt wrong, it's meant to be.  
  
I know this story is incredible unrealistic. I'll apologise again. But they'll be sober - although hung over - in the next chapter.  
  
Anyway, LYL, Jen. 


	3. The morning after the night before

DISCLAIMER: I still don't own any of it. (Surprise, surprise)  
  
NOTE: They swear a bit in this chapter - but it's not too strong. Sorry to anyone who may get offended.  
  
  
  
DRUNK  
  
Chapter Three - The morning after the night before.  
  
  
  
Trip awoke the next morning wishing he hadn't. "What the hell did we do that for?" he asked himself, turning over onto his side. "Hoshi!" He exclaimed. Lying beside him was the comm. officer. "Jesus Christ, Hoshi! Wake up." He said, poking the young woman.  
  
"What?" she opened her eyes and looked around her. "Why am I in your quarters?"  
  
"I dunno," Trip said, lifting himself up to rest on his elbows. "We didn't.........ya know?"  
  
Hoshi closed her eyes as if trying to remember. "I don't know. The last thing I remember is waking Travis up."  
  
"Oh God," Trip said, sitting up and rubbing his temples. "I don't even remember that."  
  
"Well," Hoshi said, sounding a little awkward. "What if we did, you know?"  
  
"Oh God," Trip repeated. They sat in silence for a few minutes, trying to remember what had happened the previous night. "You've still got your sweats on," he said.  
  
"What?" Hoshi asked, sounding even more confused than before.  
  
"If you still got 'em on, chances are we didn't," he jerked his head to the side, as if to explain. Hoshi still looked confused. "C'mon," he continued, "I was way to drunk to get 'em of, and you were way to drunk to put 'em back on."  
  
"Yeah," Hoshi said, sitting up in bed, "but that doesn't mean much!"  
  
Trip was about to reply when his door chimed. "Shit!" He said under his breath. "Who is it?" he asked.  
  
"It's Malcolm."  
  
Trip swore under his breath. "Hang on a sec," he looked at Hoshi.  
  
"What do we do?" she whispered.  
  
Trip thought for a moment. "Hide in the bathroom." He said, nodding towards the room at the back of his quarters.  
  
"Come on, Trip," Malcolm called, "Open the door!"  
  
"I'm comin'" Trip called back. "Hang on," He turned back to Hoshi. "Go." He whispered. She scrambled out of the bed and closed the bathroom door behind her.  
  
"Trip!" Malcolm called.  
  
"For God's sake," He said to himself. He got out of bed and pulled on his T- Shirt. "Come in."  
  
"Thank you." Malcolm said, entering Trip's quarters and sitting in the chair next to the desk.  
  
"You need something?" Trip asked, sitting down on his bed.  
  
"I was wondering if the conduits were.........."  
  
"Malcolm?" Trip asked. "You OK?"  
  
"I think I'm gonna be sick," Malcolm said, taking a deep breath. "Oh God!" he placed his hand over his mouth and ran to the bathroom.  
  
"Oh crap." Trip said, lying back on his bed.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Five minuets later, Malcolm emerged from the bathroom. He silently walked over to the chair and sat down. "Trip?" he asked.  
  
Trip sat up on his bed and looked at Malcolm.  
  
"Why is Hoshi hiding in your shower?"  
  
"Well," Trip began.  
  
"We don't know." Hoshi, who had followed Malcolm from the bathroom said.  
  
"Don't know?" Malcolm asked, turning to face Hoshi. "You don't know?"  
  
Trip and Hoshi shook their heads.  
  
Malcolm faced Trip again. "Did you sleep with her?" he asked.  
  
Trip ran his hands through his hair. "I honestly can't remember."  
  
"God, Trip," Malcolm said, shaking his head. "If you have done it, you're in a world of shit."  
  
"I know that, Malcolm!" Trip said, standing. "It's just........." he stopped and looked at Hoshi, then back at Malcolm. "You're not gonna tell anyone, are ya?"  
  
Malcolm looked at Trip, then Hoshi and back to Trip. "No," he said finally. "Look," he said, standing. "I best go. I've got a lot of work I should be doing, so."  
  
"Thanks, Malcolm." Trip said. Hoshi smiled.  
  
"I'll see you later." Malcolm said before leaving.  
  
"What did he mean 'a world of shit'?" Hoshi asked, sitting in the chair vacated by Malcolm.  
  
"I'm a senior officer," Trip explained, sitting back on his bed. "You're an Ensign." He put his head in his hands. "If anyone else finds out, you and I are for it."  
  
"Well, maybe we didn't." Hoshi said, sounding optimistic.  
  
"Yeah," Trip said. He sighed and stood. "Look, I gotta........"  
  
"Archer to Tucker." The comm. interrupted.  
  
Trip walked over to the comm. "Yeah, Cap'n."  
  
"Trip, can you come to my Ready Room? Bring Hoshi and Malcolm too, if you can find them."  
  
"Sure thing."  
  
"Thanks. Archer out."  
  
Trip looked at Hoshi and smiled. "Great."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"OK, so you're all here." Archer said. He had called all those who were in the Mess Hall last night to his Ready Room. Everybody looked a little worse for wear. Even T'Pol. Travis had seated himself in the chair opposite Archer desk, and looked like he was about to throw up. Everybody else chose to stand. "I know you're all feeling a little ill, that's your own fault." He walked around his desk and sat down. "What happened last night is best kept between ourselves." He looked around the room to make sure everybody was listening and that nobody had fallen asleep or passed out. He continued despite the throbbing pain in his head. "We're all senior Bridge crew. If the rest of the crew were to find out, well, it would be bad." He again looked around to check everybody was paying attention. "it could be quite embarrassing if everybody found out."  
  
"Got that right," Malcolm said to himself, thinking of the games of 'Truth or Dare'.  
  
"OK," Archer continued, ignoring Malcolm. "Now let's get back to work. We've got a star ship to run."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Hoshi quickly left the Ready Room and returned to her post on the bridge.  
  
Trip hurryingly headed towards the Turbo-Lift, but was stopped by T'Pol.  
  
"Commander. I have a problem."  
  
"What, T'Pol?" He said, "I'm in kinda a hurry."  
  
"I shall not keep you long." She paused, trying to think how to phrase her query. "Is it normal for one to feel this way after drinking alcohol?" She asked.  
  
"Like what?" Trip asked. "Like you're gonna puke?" T'Pol nodded. "Headache?" He asked. Again, T'Pol nodded. "You got yourself a good ol' fashioned hangover, T'Pol." He said, smiling.  
  
"A hangover?" T'Pol asked.  
  
Trip nodded. "It'll be gone in a couple of hours," he explained. "I think everyone's got one today. Especially Travis." He said, nodding towards the helmsman.  
  
"Thanks you, Commander." T'Pol said, returning to her station.  
  
"You're welcome, T'Pol."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Commander!"  
  
Trip turned to see Phlox behind him. He had been trying to get to Engineering un-noticed. Partly because of the pain in his head, and partly because he was worried somebody may have found out about his small problem with Hoshi. "Doctor."  
  
"I was wondering whether you and Ensign Sato made it to bed OK last night?"  
  
"What?" Trip asked, stopping dead in his tracks. "What d'ya know 'bout me and Hoshi?"  
  
"Well," Phlox began to explain. "You were leaving the Mess Hall after you period of captivity. You bumped into me in the corridor. You asked if you could go to see your snake in sickbay and, when I said yes, you invited Ensign Sato along." He finished, thinking that was all the Commander wanted to know.  
  
"And?" Trip asked.  
  
"May I ask why you are so interested? You were there, do you not remember?" Phlox asked, looking puzzled.  
  
"You'll keep it a secret?" Trip asked. Phlox nodded. "OK," Trip looked to check the corridor was empty. "Hoshi and I woke up in the same bed this mornin', and neither of us have got a clue how we ended up there."  
  
Phlox chuckled to himself. "Commander," Phlox said, back to his usual, cheery tone. "That was completely innocent."  
  
"What?" Trip asked. It was his turn to look confused.  
  
"After we had visited your snake, you invited myself and Ensign Sato back to your quarter for a drink. Miss Sato accepted. I was reluctant at first, but you convinced me." He said, smiling. "After a few minutes, Miss Sato fell asleep. We put her in your bed. About an hour later you decided to go to sleep. I was going to wake her and escort her back to her own quarters, but, as you'd already fallen asleep, I decided to leave her there."  
  
"What time was that?" he asked.  
  
"I don't know." Phlox thought. "Around four thirty. Maybe five o'clock."  
  
"Thank you." Trip said.  
  
"I'm glad I could be of assistance." Phlox began to walk away but stopped. "If you're still not sure, I could do a scan is sickbay. It'll only take a few seconds."  
  
Trip nodded. "Best to make sure."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Well, Mister Tucker," Phlox said once he had completed his scans. "I can assure you that you did not have sexual intercourse with Ensign Sato last night."  
  
"Thank you, Doctor." Trip said, heading toward the door. "I owe you one." He left sickbay in search of Hoshi.  
  
"Humans," Phlox said to himself. "So forgetful."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Hoshi!" Trip called. He had gone to the bridge to find Hoshi had left, but he had found Malcolm. Not wanting to tell Malcolm first, he'd left without an explanation. He'd found Hoshi in the Mess Hall. She was studying one of the languages she'd yet to figure out while eating a bowl of cereal.  
  
"Commander." She replied. Not looking up from the PADD in her hand.  
  
"Boy, have I got some great news for you."  
  
"What?" She asked, looking up.  
  
"I saw Phlox." Trip explained. "He came with us to my quarters last night. Said we both fell asleep before he left."  
  
"But we still can't be sure." Hoshi said, placing the PADD down.  
  
"We can," trip said smiling. "Phlox did some kinda scan. We did not do anything."  
  
Hoshi sighed in relief.  
  
"Hey," Trip said, "I'm not that bad."  
  
Hoshi let out a small laugh. "Do you think we should tell Lieutenant Reed?" She asked.  
  
"I'll tell him now," Trip said. "I'll see ya later." He stood up and left the Mess Hall. He walked to the nearest comm. panel and asked Malcolm to meet him in Engineering.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"What?" Malcolm asked impatiently. They ware stood in a quiet corner of Engineering. "I'm busy. What do you need?"  
  
"Nothing." Trip said, folding his arms.  
  
"Then why am I here?"  
  
"Hoshi and I did nothing."  
  
"What?" Malcolm asked, still not understanding.  
  
"We didn't have sex!" Trip said, attracting a few looks from a group of passing by engineers.  
  
"You remembered?"  
  
"Not at all," Trip aid, shaking his head. He proceeded to explain to Malcolm what had happened the night before.  
  
"That's good." Malcolm said, smiling. "I was just getting to like you. It'd be a shame if you got sent back to Earth."  
  
"Why, thank you, Malcolm." Trip said with mock gratitude.  
  
"Yeah, well," Malcolm sighed. "At least you didn't have to kiss the Captain."  
  
"Never mind, Malcolm," Trip said as he began to walk towards his work panel. "At least you'll have a memory to share with ya grandkids." Trip laughed to himself.  
  
"Yeah," Malcolm followed Trip to the panel. "One I'd rather not have."  
  
"At least you can say you saw a Vulcan drunk." Trip said, smiling at his friend.  
  
"True," Malcolm said, smiling at the memory, "True,"  
  
"Armoury to Lieutenant Reed."  
  
"I'd best go." Malcolm said. He turned and left Trip to his work.  
  
'Goddamn the mornin' after the night before' Trip thought to himself, then began his work.  
  
  
  
THE END.  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: OK, I didn't know how or when to end it, but there. Sorry for any mistakes and so on.  
  
Hope you enjoyed it. If not, sorry, but there's nowt I can do now! (That's not a typing error; I meant to say 'nowt'.)  
  
Anyway, LYL, Jen ;) 


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